Picture, if you will, the scene of a Nazi concentration camp where a child is yanked from the arms of his/her mother and is carried off screaming while the even more distraught mother is held back by guards. This is the intensity of passion and reaction to separation that exists in the "mom-addict".
In this situation, the individual is absolutely addicted to a continuous fix of Mom, Dad or Family, and any interruption of their "supply" brings the most extreme responses and events from both sides. They are literally incapable of any form of separation, and they are near-psychotically determined to remain symbiotically attached for the rest of their lives.
HOW DID THIS COME ABOUT?
Here the parent(s) systematically develop a total dependency on their particular unique characteristics and behavior as a literal lifeline in what could be characterized as an infancy-induced terminal addiction. It is a "folie a deux" (craziness of two) situation in which massive do-for and interference-running along the lines of, "You don't have to do anything or worry about the consequences of what you do. I'll take care of your every need!". The parent(s) then provide immediate pay-off over-indulgence out the wazoo.
They also systematically denigrate, belittle, and often paranoia-induce about all outsiders and outside resources, while they simultaneously cut the individual off from the world. A "You and me against the world!" symbiosis results, and the individual never learns to make any kind of cooperative, constructive or contributory adjustment to life.
Then they introduce an attracting and offering process alternating with a non-availability and distant number, which puts the child in the position of finding their one and only lifeline support system unpredictably available. It produces a "gambler's fallacy" ("I KNOW it's going to happen this next time! It's been so long now!") about "scoring" with the parent(s) and with "hitting the jackpot next time". They become hopelessly hooked as a result, matching the parent(s)' total dependence on and addiction to them.
WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?
They are utterly and totally addicted to the mother, father or family to such a degree that virtually nothing else matters to them. They simply have to have continuous access to their "habit" or they go into the wildest and most extreme "withdrawal" reactions -- and so does Mom, Dad or the Family.
They also typically have massive rejection-projection and persecution-paranoid reactions to anythng and anyone outside the "folie a deux" "double bubble". And they take a highly suspicious, disgusted and attacking approach to everything outside their immediate world. They have a "wall of delusion" about their addiction, along the lines of, "You're just trying to keep me from my Mom!" in reaction to interactions or interventions with individuals, systems or situations that arise out of the extremely destructive pattern they are in.
And to complete the picture, they have developed a total inability to delay reinforcement, tolerate frustration or endure effort or discomfort. They have a 100% relief-seeking lifestyle, and they have a whim of iron over-indulgence demand psychology that very frequently moves into the "lone marauder" and delinquent/criminal realm. They have to have a continuous highly hedonistic experience or they become extremely coercive, aggressive and explosive. They will tolerate absolutely no interruption of their "supply" or their lifestyle whatsoever.
HOW DO THEY FUNCTION?
The resultant is an impulsive behave now, think later pattern -- the addict lifestyle taken to the extreme. They are into systematic and compulsive irresponsibility, living totally in and for the moment. They are desperately driven reinforcement-seekers to the degree that it becomes an all-consuming way of life. When it is combined with a "yuk-artist" pattern in which they also are made to be repulsive to society, they become a "mother-yukker".
This invariably brings them into conflict with society and its intervention systems, which of course activates the "wall of delusion" reaction both ways. A "yo-yo" pattern frequently results, as the individual repeatedly runs from alternative placements back to the family or the family invades the placement, kidnaps the kid and raises hell. This goes on regardless of the frequently highly detrimental patterns and experiences that result.
As might be surmised, this is a system that keeps the individual around the family for the rest of their life, usually. It also results in an intensely self-destructive spiral that typically results in early death, perhaps before adulthood. They rarely become productive members of society. When this pattern is combined with a "lone marauder" (lone-marauder-personality.htm) learning history, a dangerous Hitler type can result.
HOW CAN THEY BE HELPED?
Intervention requires separation from the family and turning the individual on to alternative resources, lifestyles and destiny possibilities. However, a "cold turkey" approach is to be assiduously avoided because of the often-disastrous reactions and events that can happen if they are kept apart too fast. Rather, there should be extensive contact with the family allowed, while the individual (and in fortunate cases the family) is systematically exposed to the values of other ways of life, relationships and sources of meaningful joy and experiences.
Then they are gradually weaned from each other and onto the outside world and its resources. In the meantime, the individual needs to be also trained in frustration-tolerance, reinforcement-delay, goal-setting and -seeking, and planful-sequential undertakings. Finally, they need to be exposed to and trained in the workings of the world so they can be successful and contribute in a meaningful life.
WHAT IS THEIR PURPOSE?
This is a particularly damaging and difficult script to pull any coals out of the fire from. It is highly addictive and it is also very incompetencing. It is usually the destiny choice of a younger soul who needs to learn from the "school of hard knocks". If, however, the individual is an older soul and can and does break free of the pattern, what comes out is an adaptable caterer to what is needed wherever they go, because of their exquisite attunedness to their mother/ father/family's ways and needs. The are then able to be a flexibly situation-sensitive and responsibly responsive need-meeter. They become a kind of masterful maitre d'.
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NOTE: Due to the non-specific nature of this pattern, involving no special personality structure save the extreme addiction to the mother/father/family, there are no pictures to exemplify this pattern.
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