Remember the story of "Jack and the Beanstalk?" Or, more to the point, remember the giant? The giant was a "black sheep". And "FEE, FI, FO, FUM!" is the "mantra" of the "black sheep". This is the "perpetual bully" who becomes a "professional asshole". They are a "careening cannon" who "blows away" whoever and whatever is in their path. They never stop assaulting the environment, and they coerce, clobber and control their way to whatever they want, like a 500-pound gorilla.
That is until they meet their untimely ending or they arrive at their deathbed with the realization that it was all for naught and that they never really meant it all along. They usually die with a broken heart and a massive self-disgust that arises from their "wreckage trail" life pattern.
HOW DID THEY GET THIS WAY?
The "black sheep" is usually the product of the "sadomasochistic minuet" ("SMM") family system, in which nothing is as it seems and everything is mayhem-generating. In this system, all hell is always breaking loose, and there is a longsuffering "good guy" and an unrelenting "bad guy" who bashes and smashes everyone and everything in sight. The trouble is, though, that the "good guy" with whom everyone entrusts their secrets and vulnerabilities is actually the "mayhem mastermind" who determines who and what will get gashed and slashed next, while the "bad guy" that everyone hates and ostracizes is actually a "well-guided missile" who is trapped in a "behavioral prison" and who hates themselves for what they are doing, underneath all the blunderbuss behavior.
There are other ways in which this pattern can evolve. For instance, there is the neglectful pattern in which the parents are so involved in survival, selfishness or goodie-getting that the needs of the child just don't get considered — until they are forced to consider them by the individual's coercive tactics arising at toddlerhood. Another version is where the family is operating out of a sense of helplessness and they therefore can't cope with the toddler's demands. Still another version is not caring about the individual at all. Then there is the detachment situation where the family can't connect with anyone. Finally, there is the "chip off the old block" version in which the individual constantly hears, "You're just like your father!".
What happens here is that the future "black sheep" is more or less ignored out of the family's fervent desire for them not to exist until they reach toddlerhood, at which point the individual discovers the power of the "terrible two" pattern. At this juncture, the situation shifts to one of "indulgence" or "capitulation". What is occurring is that no one ever really gives a damn and they then give in instead. This "passive parenting" lets the individual "get away with murder", and the individual ends up feeling like a murderer. At the same time, they become a "pro" at "getting their way", and each "success" becomes another "nail in their coffin". It develops into an insurmountable barrier and an impregnable behavioral fortress that leads to a downhill slide down the shit-chute to oblivion.
In effect, the individual is more or less "cattle-chuted" into making a "bargain with the devil" in which they "sell their soul" via a willingness to play the "total moral cretin" in return for control of events and for negative strokes ("slashes"), which is better than nothing at all. They find that their "loveline" is contingent upon coercive exploitation and "professional asshole" strategies, and it becomes the only way to avoid being neglected to death.
For the family, it is the perfect way to get someone to "take the rap" while "playing the heavy" and "being the hit man" to act out their nefarious motivations. They become the family's "henchman" and action arm, especially for the "masked sadist" masochist who plays the "nice guy/gal" while in fact being "Mission Control Houston" behind the scenes. What in effect is going on is that the individual is carrying the family's "shadow" by acting out what they are suppressing, denying and/or seeking to slyly express. The family ignores them, then capitulates to them, and then takes advantage of the avenue of projecting while simultaneously rejecting their shadow. Indeed, they often do a "Pontius Pilate" process of "washing their hands" of them.
In the "sadomasochistic minuette" version, the family doesn't reject overtly. Instead, by setting no limits, thinggiving, buying off, "caving in" and "well-guided missiling", they set the individual up for universal rejection wherever they go. The individual feels "special" and "omnipotent" because of their violent emotional conflict-solving and "whim of iron" coercive control tactics that result from the "passive" parenting pattern. But at the same time, they are not unaware of their ecological impact, and a pattern of ferocious denial develops so as to live with themselves as they carry out their "Johnny/Joanie One-Note" survival dance macabre.
WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?
The basic dynamic of the "black sheep" is a profound sense of "evilness", derived both from the fact that their family didn't even acknowledge their existence until s/he forced them to, and from the fact that they then have played out the "moral monster" role ever since. They feel so bad about themselves that they are in effect professional projectors and blame-throwers as a suicide-avoidance strategy. All they know how to do in dealing with their underlying self-hatred is to attack and get impact and reaction.
They deny and project totally their self-hatred, and they do a "pot calling the kettle black" number all the time. Their self-worth has become tied to getting whatever goal they have at the moment, and their underlying self-hatred surfaces if they don't get it. Although they seem to be totally uncaring, underneath they are feeling rotten about themselves for the "moral cretin" role they play. They systematically avoid that feeling with their coercive and abusive manner, but the continuous environmental feedback keeps them in constant self-hatred and utter isolation and loneliness.
They attack, punish and destroy to feel safe and powerful, due to the lack of love throughout their lives, and due to all the negative messages they generate and have experienced. They feel alone, rejection-anxious, confused, afraid and unprotected. They need to destroy someone just as they have been destroyed. They assume that they deserve nothing but the very worst at base, that universal rejection is the Law of the Universe for them, that everyone hates them, and that they should. It is a form of learned helplessness due to the "behavioral prison" effects of their pattern. They feel that there is nothing they or anyone can do to help, and that they have in effect nothing to lose — which feeds the extremity of their behaviors.
Indeed, the very extremity of their behavior is itself a way of seeking a way out of their dreadful dilemma. In effect, they are saying with their behavior, "Please stop me, SOMEONE!!". The older they get without escaping from their "prison", the more resigned and resistive to intervention they become, and their unconscious goal shifts to "Please put a stop to me!" termination-seeking. Their life-span is often short, ending in a bar room brawl or in a "blaze of gore" such as a fiery motoring accident at the end of a police chase. Otherwise, they fold despairingly into themselves and they decay inwardly in a declining deterioration of despondency — all vigorously behaviorally denied, of course — until the deathbed, maybe.
HOW DO THEY FUNCTION?
The environmental impact of the "black sheep" is very nicely conveyed with the concept of the "professional prick". They are "cemetery-seekingly" obnoxious, oblivious, morally indifferent and terrorizing. They operate in the "infantile tyrannosaurus" mode all the time, and they bellow, belligerent and bully their way into, through and out of everything in a kind of cruel "baby turd" fashion. They do just fine until progress towards their goal of the moment is in any way thwarted, and then they turn into a rage machine. They closer they are to the goal, the more coercive, violent and acting out they get. They seem to care not a whit about who or what they hurt or destroy in their headlong hedonism, bulldozing bullying and authoritarian asshole approach.
Unfortunately, they are an empty symbiotic bucket and a tyrannical two year old who can't be made happy, no matter what you do for them. They experience life's problems as arbitrarily imposed restrictions on their behavior and options and goals. They are bullshit-slinging, goodie-grabbing walking tornadoes who deviantly self-justify their every move. Their attitude is, "I gotta right — and you had better never forget that!". They are excitement and risk-freaks who seek "highs" in a very impulse-dominated manner. Although it is a predominantly male role, there are definitely female examples — the blisteringly blustering "barrelhouse mom" with the voice that shatters glass.
They psych out systems to see what goodies they want to "arm-break" out of it, but in reality, they are unconsciously seeking to get the system to work against them. They then rage at their fate, and they continue to dig themselves into their grave wherever they go. In fact, they can't handle things going well or working out because it violates the moral order and because it doesn't pay their "guilt dues". So they systematically prepare for the "grand slam" ending and they are forever challenging the "Hulk", like a gunslinger with an empty holster in a termination-seeking lifestyle.
As might be expected, their relationships are a sight to behold. They are the original batterer pattern in action. And sometimes they get involved with a "professional server" or a "punishment-seeker" who is attracted to them as a rerun of "home, sweet home" in a desperate attempt to put a new ending on the old story. These individuals feel they deserve all the negative treatment they get until they find the "magic formula" or "do enough good" for the punitive parent figure to earn the "God Housekeeping Seal of Approval". They either end up being destroyed by the "black sheep" or they eventually have had enough, and they leave them.
However, the more usual relationship is the "sadomasochistic minuet". In this situation, the "black sheep" was the product of a "masked sadist" "church mouse", usually the mother, with a "black sheep" being the other parent. What happens then is that the budding "black sheep" derives all of their life-sustenance from doing the slyly instilled bidding of the "masked sadist" parent. And when they arrive at the time they have to leave home, they find themselves bereft of a guidance system as to whom to hit when, where and for what.
So they choose a partner who resembles their "first love" — the "masked sadist" other gender parent. This individual provides them the punishment and guidance they are so totally dependent upon. They buy the guilt-induction their partner pours out, and they then use it to fuel their "well-guided missile". The pattern is something like the following. Daddy comes home and is met by mother at the front door. The kids are in the living room, and they hear the heavy foot falls, the door slam-open, the whisper/murmur of mother's voice, and then the inevitable, "SHE DID WHAT!" and the following door burst and blast against the wall.
The female "black sheep", the "barrelhouse mom", typically marries the "cock-o'-the-walk" "little Napoleon" rattlesnake sneaky sadist who is small and wiry and who goes off themselves periodically — with world-withering results. The other common pattern for this type of woman is to marry a "Henry Henpecko" husband who feels they have utterly failed as a male and as a human being, and who therefore feels that they need continuous punishment as a result.
In general, their families end up hating their guts and living in terror of them. Their children usually leave as quickly as they can — only to end up marrying someone similar all too often due to the imprinting effect. It isn't until the "black sheep's" deathbed that some of them can own their true feelings and let a little love in. It is at that point that the true story of the "SMM" pattern begins to come out to the offspring. At that point, the offspring realize with horror that they have been trusting the worst person in the world with their life and vulnerability, and that they have been hating a "straw man" who hates himself more than they ever could. This realization is often simultaneously intensely liberating, healing and grief-inducing to the younger person, as the tragedy of their father's life suddenly unfolds before their eyes.
HOW CAN THEY BE HELPED?
Intervention with them requires a "military camp with love and respect". It involves a total environmental push, anything short of which provides too many "escape clauses" and "trouble traps". They need to come up against the inescapable hard facts of life and to learn better ways of meeting their needs, while at the same time getting recognition of their underlying true feelings and positive motivations. After all, they were "sidetracked" at the point in their development when they were seeking to find out how to contribute to the community. They need acknowledgement of their fundamental commitment (that often shows up as authoritarian moralism, but which is genuine nevertheless).
They also need rewards for their real accomplishments, achievements and accoutrements. In addition, they need as much affection and appreciation as they can receive, dispensed in a manner that is sensitive to their tolerance limits at any point along the way, of course. The major milestone turning point for them is when they get respect as an honored member of society and their reference group. The effect is to give them the realization that, "I can have something positive from people after all. I DO deserve love! I'll be damned!". The entire process is designed to develop their self-respect and to replace their gross-out coercive tactics with potently positive approaches.
WHAT IS THEIR PURPOSE?
The "black sheep" is a misguided community contributor basically. They are totally fair and ethical underneath all their "behavioral prison" output. And when they break through their pattern, they become lover-servers of a highly competent and committed nature. They are a "heavy metal impactor" who can move mountains. They become a forceful goal-achiever for the community and for those they love, and they are a highly effective outcome-generator for the cosmos.
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